Swedish meatballs bring the cops to the Christmas party.

It only took me 26 years, but I finally had a party (somewhat) shut down by the cops.

A few harsh raps on the door just before 11 p.m. on a Saturday night brought two police officers to my front door. I’m still unsure if a neighbor called to complain about the noise (though, no one showed up at the door before the cops) or if they were out on patrol and heard the party through the open window. Either way, the partiers were told to keep it down. Me, being slightly paranoid (and a lot tired), decided to call it a night and not risk a second visit.

I’m still a bit baffled about the whole thing. Who shuts down a party before 11 p.m. on a Saturday night in the heart of a city bustling with hipsters and a great bar scene? Last year’s party was definitely louder, and it went on until 3 a.m.

Oh well, c’est la vie!


What we really need to talk about is the meatballs. First, because meatballs is a hilarious word and I have a similar sense of humor to a seventh-grade boy. Second, because Swedish meatballs are flipping delicious.

Swedish meatballs, makes 75-80 meatballs (approx. 1-inch diameter)


1 pound ground pork

1 pound ground veal

2 pounds ground beef

1 onion, finely diced

1 Tbs. unsalted butter

1 tsp. kosher salt

1/2 tsp. ground black pepper

1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg

3 slices rye bread with caraway seeds

1/2 cup Half-N-Half

2 eggs


1. In a bowl, rip the bread up into small pieces and pour the Half-N-Half over the bread. Allow the bread to absorb the liquid. In a pan, sweat the onion in the butter until translucent (7-10 minutes).

2. In a large bowl, combine the meat, bread/cream mixture, cooked onion, spices and eggs until an even mixture is achieved (think meatloaf).


3. Roll small meatballs, no bigger than 1-inch diameter. Place onto foil-lined rimmed baking sheets.

4. Bake in a 350* oven for 30 minutes.

5. Serve hot with boiled/mashed potatoes and gravy. (If you’re up for it, scrape the fat and drippings from the foil the meatballs were baked on and use it to make the gravy.)


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